Author Topic: Funny Stuff  (Read 321279 times)

Offline Wristaction

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Re: Funny Stuff
« Reply #400 on: April 23, 2007, 09:50:31 PM »
Monty Python Meets Star Wars.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2CLwxObfaNE

Bit of cursing in it.
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Offline Rod the Worm

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Re: Funny Stuff
« Reply #401 on: April 25, 2007, 12:53:23 PM »
OK, I just got this chain letter:

....

...the idiots don't even know I just played them.

 :P

I swear by my ginger beard that I will end you for making me read that  :silly
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Lady_Kei

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Re: Funny Stuff
« Reply #402 on: April 26, 2007, 08:27:38 PM »
http://www.fridaytowers.com/fitness/ - i hope the links work. my sister gave me this link. the first song's very VERY silly. hope it makes you lot giggle too :D the drugs song is good. not the illegal kind of course.

[edit] please note, for those of a nervous disposition and / or those with small children, this is very sweary. but in a funny way.
« Last Edit: April 26, 2007, 08:39:25 PM by Lady_Kei »

Offline gi6ers

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Re: Funny Stuff
« Reply #403 on: April 26, 2007, 08:36:08 PM »

Lady_Kei

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Re: Funny Stuff
« Reply #404 on: April 26, 2007, 08:50:58 PM »

Offline Ryan

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Re: Funny Stuff
« Reply #405 on: April 26, 2007, 09:16:29 PM »
you have got to love that London Underground song  :D

Offline Mr Teufel

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Re: Funny Stuff
« Reply #406 on: April 27, 2007, 04:46:13 AM »
As a visitor from another planet Sydney, Australia, I must say I quite liked using the Underground. Must admit I didn't have to use it in peak hour.

Offline Pockets

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Re: Funny Stuff
« Reply #407 on: May 23, 2007, 01:52:04 PM »
DICTIONARY FOR WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS

         40-ish                           -       49
         Adventurous              -       Slept with everyone
         Athletic                         -       No tits
         Average looking             -       Ugly
         Beautiful                        -       Pathological liar
         Contagious Smile           -       Does a lot of pills
         Emotionally secure         -       On medication
         Feminist                        -       Fat
         Free spirit                      -       Junkie
         Friendship first               -       Former very *friendly* person
         Fun                               -       Annoying
         New Age                       -       Body hair in the wrong places
         Open-minded                 -       Desperate
         Outgoing                       -       Loud and Embarrassing
         Passionate                   -       Sloppy drunk
         Professional                  -       Bitch
         Voluptuous                    -       Very Fat
         Large frame                    -       Hugely Fat
         Wants Soul mate            -       Stalker

WOMEN'S ENGLISH
         1. Yes                                        =       No
         2. No                                                      =       Yes
         3. Maybe                                     =       No
         4. We need                                  =       I want
         5. I am sorry                                 =       you'll be sorry
         6. We need to talk                         =       you're in trouble
         7. Sure, go ahead                          =       you better not
         8. Do what you want                                 =       you will pay for this later
         9. I am not upset                           =       of course I am upset, you moron!
       10. You're very attentive tonight        =     is sex all you ever think about?

MEN'S ENGLISH
         1. I am hungry                                           =       I am hungry
         2. I am sleepy                                            =       I am sleepy
         3. I am tired                                               =       I am tired
         4. Nice dress                                              =       Nice cleavage!
         5. I love you                                                =       let's have sex now
         6. I am bored                                               =       Do you want to have sex?
         7. May I have this dance?                            =       I'd like to have sex with you
         8. Can I call you sometime?                        =       I'd like to have sex with you
         9. Do you want to go to a movie?               =       I'd like to have sex with you
         10. Can I take you out to dinner?                =       I'd like to have sex with you
         11. Those shoes don't go with that outfit       =       I'm gay

And finally.....

A recent scientific study found that women find different male faces attractive depending on where they are in their menstrual cycle.
For example, when a woman is ovulating she will prefer a man with rugged, masculine features.
However when she is menstruating, she prefers a man doused in petrol and set on fire, with scissors stuck in his eye and a cricket stump shoved up his backside.
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Offline Pockets

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Re: Funny Stuff
« Reply #408 on: May 30, 2007, 04:08:41 PM »
VERY  IMPORTANT  NOTICE  TO  ALL  EMPLOYEES
 
New  Policy  Effective  from  1  June  2007
 
Dress code:
It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary.  If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.  If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.  If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.
 
Sick days:
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness.  If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
 
Annual leave days:
Each employee will receive 104 annual leave days a year.  They are called Saturday & Sunday.
 
Bereavement leave:
This is no excuse for missing work.  There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers.  Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements.  In rare cases where employees involvment is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon.  We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.
 
Toilet use:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet.  There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls.  At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken.  After your second offence, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the Chronic Offenders category.  Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.
 
Lunch break:
Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy.  Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.  Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
 
Thank you for your loyalty to our company.  We are here to provide a positive employment experience.  Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation's, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.
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Offline Lonewolf

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Re: Funny Stuff
« Reply #409 on: May 30, 2007, 06:34:03 PM »
scarily acurate for where i work (except for the weekends off bit)


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Offline Big Boris

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Re: Funny Stuff
« Reply #410 on: June 26, 2007, 03:07:36 PM »
The benefits of licking cow genitals. I kid you not, Buster Gonad from Viz magazine has nothing on these guys. Amazing what comes up on google, I was looking for pictures of fantasy jailers.
http://funreports.com/2004/11/18/57180.html

Offline DanG

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Re: Funny Stuff
« Reply #411 on: June 26, 2007, 03:40:24 PM »
The benefits of licking cow genitals. I kid you not, Buster Gonad from Viz magazine has nothing on these guys. Amazing what comes up on google, I was looking for pictures of fantasy jailers.
http://funreports.com/2004/11/18/57180.html

I am not quite sure how your fantasy jailer research led you to that...

But...  well... 

i am reminded of the scene in 'The Breakfast Club' when they are reading the book and discussing Elephantitus of the nuts... 
DanG™  :transform:



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uncle phil

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Re: Funny Stuff
« Reply #412 on: June 26, 2007, 04:51:42 PM »
Subject: The iBoob


Apple Computers announced today that it has developed a computer chip that can store and play music in women's breast implants. The iBoob will cost between $499 and $599. This is considered to be a major breakthrough, because women are always complaining about men staring at their breasts and
not listening to them.


uncle phil

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Re: Funny Stuff
« Reply #413 on: July 02, 2007, 04:10:01 PM »

King_Doberman

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Re: Funny Stuff
« Reply #414 on: July 10, 2007, 09:46:06 PM »

uncle phil

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Re: Funny Stuff
« Reply #415 on: July 11, 2007, 10:46:34 AM »
World history, 1938-41, in 43secs

http://youtube.com/watch?v=Dt2tv69JmNE

Offline Balgin Stondraeg

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Re: Funny Stuff
« Reply #416 on: July 12, 2007, 09:19:39 PM »
I came across this elsewhere. Finaly the chav learns the truth :).



Wow, it resized it to what?

Try this link and see if that works.
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uncle phil

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Re: Funny Stuff
« Reply #417 on: July 13, 2007, 09:51:36 AM »
I came across this elsewhere. Finaly the chav learns the truth :).



Wow, it resized it to what?

Try this link and see if that works.

and Martha on the end with "I'm going to be a doctor. Did I mention that?"

Offline Graeme

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Re: Funny Stuff
« Reply #418 on: July 13, 2007, 10:34:01 AM »
Thanks Balgin , that's brilliant. :lmao:
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Offline Balgin Stondraeg

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Re: Funny Stuff
« Reply #419 on: July 13, 2007, 05:04:47 PM »
Thanks Balgin , that's brilliant. :lmao:

Did anyone notice how the artist got Nyssa and Tegan about four inches too tall? They even look taller than the second Romana! (The annoyingly smug schoolgirl one). There was a sort of period where it seemed to be mandatory for all the companions to be at least 10" shorter than The Doctor (and I don't just mean the Peter Davison and Colin Baker era's either but that's when it was most prominent). I thought it was a sort of father/child thing but never thought about it too much.
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Offline Steel Penguin

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Re: Funny Stuff
« Reply #420 on: July 13, 2007, 07:39:32 PM »
balgin all i can say is  :applause: :applause: wonderful
a happy dauber

Offline Graeme

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Re: Funny Stuff
« Reply #421 on: July 13, 2007, 09:10:51 PM »
Thanks Balgin , that's brilliant. :lmao:

Did anyone notice how the artist got Nyssa and Tegan about four inches too tall? They even look taller than the second Romana! (The annoyingly smug schoolgirl one). There was a sort of period where it seemed to be mandatory for all the companions to be at least 10" shorter than The Doctor (and I don't just mean the Peter Davison and Colin Baker era's either but that's when it was most prominent). I thought it was a sort of father/child thing but never thought about it too much.

It's probably the eighties hair and high heels
how sad are we? :roll:
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Offline Balgin Stondraeg

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Re: Funny Stuff
« Reply #422 on: July 13, 2007, 10:23:14 PM »
how sad are we? :roll:

I dunno. All the pre Eccleston Doctor Who I've seen was on UKTV Gold (when they showed it every weekend for 2-3years flat). My family couldn't afford a telly before 1997.
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Alex

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Re: Funny Stuff
« Reply #423 on: July 18, 2007, 01:34:32 AM »
There's bound to be a market for this...

http://www.asciimation.co.nz/beer/

Offline Wristaction

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Re: Funny Stuff
« Reply #424 on: July 21, 2007, 07:47:39 PM »
Got a texed message once at work saying "good luck with your examines, love James".  :scratchhead:
I texed back "i'm not doing any examines, love Richard".  :whistle:
Got this reply "sorry mate sent that to the wrong number".  :P

Brightened up a crappy day that.  :yup:
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