Author Topic: Funny Stuff  (Read 308506 times)

MightyAl

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Re: Funny Stuff
« Reply #850 on: August 29, 2009, 03:16:55 PM »


Offline beefcake

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Re: Funny Stuff
« Reply #851 on: August 30, 2009, 06:30:30 AM »
That's hillarious! :lmao: :lmao: :lmao:

Offline freakinacage

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Re: Funny Stuff
« Reply #852 on: August 30, 2009, 11:17:00 AM »
oh yeah, thats very good. there are some right numpties out there! what worries me is that he allowed to buy matches..


anyway, here's on i was sent by my old man:

If you kiss her, you are not a gentleman
If you don't, you are not a man
If you praise her, she thinks you are lying
If you don't, you are good for nothing
If you agree to all her likes, you are a wimp
If you don't, you are not understanding
If you visit her often, she thinks it is boring
If you don't, she accuses you of double-crossing
If you are well dressed, she says you are a playboy
If you're not, you are a dull boy
If you are jealous, she says it's bad
If you're not, she thinks you do not love her
If you attempt a romance, she says you didn't respect her
If you don't, she thinks you do not like her
If you are a minute late, she complains it's hard to wait
If she is late, she says that's a girl's way
If you visit another man, you're not putting in "quality time"
If she is visited by another woman, "oh it's natural, we are girls"
If you kiss her once in a while, she professes you are cold
If you kiss her often, she yells that you are taking advantage
If you fail to help her in crossing the street, you lack ethics
If you do, she thinks it's just one of men's tactics for seduction
If you stare at another woman, she accuses you of flirting
If she is stared by other men, she says that they are just admiring
If you talk, she wants you to listen
If you listen, she wants you to talk .
AARRRRGH!

Offline Balgin Stondraeg

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Re: Funny Stuff
« Reply #853 on: August 30, 2009, 09:35:04 PM »
Does anyone else think these sweet wrappers are verging on the pornographic?
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Offline Big Boris

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Re: Funny Stuff
« Reply #854 on: August 30, 2009, 11:33:53 PM »
:shock: The guy who complained is clearly mental. How is the shop manager to blame for the sweet wrappers. If it was me, and the guy had come up to me, I'd have asked him to explain in lurid detail  what exactly was going on in his opinion, with details, and wound him up to the point of heart attack, then told him he's a pervert and thrown him out. Get a life, Mr Simpkins. Get a life. Same to your wife.

Of course, saying all that, it IS quite hard to explain what the little MAOAM feller is actually doing to the lemon if it's not having sex! The cherries sort of can be explained as over enthusiastic fruit appreciation...

Offline Ajsalium

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Re: Funny Stuff
« Reply #855 on: August 31, 2009, 12:25:32 AM »
:metoo:

Pornographic? Maybe.

Sexual? Not at all! Those are fruits!
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Offline keeper40k

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Re: Funny Stuff
« Reply #856 on: September 02, 2009, 03:17:10 PM »
:shock: The guy who complained is clearly mental. How is the shop manager to blame for the sweet wrappers. If it was me, and the guy had come up to me, I'd have asked him to explain in lurid detail  what exactly was going on in his opinion, with details, and wound him up to the point of heart attack, then told him he's a pervert and thrown him out. Get a life, Mr Simpkins. Get a life. Same to your wife.

Of course, saying all that, it IS quite hard to explain what the little MAOAM feller is actually doing to the lemon if it's not having sex! The cherries sort of can be explained as over enthusiastic fruit appreciation...

I think I get an idea of why his wife had to have a sit down in the car park.  It is probably something she has to do quite a lot.

Offline freakinacage

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Re: Funny Stuff
« Reply #857 on: September 02, 2009, 06:38:18 PM »
rofl. thing is, unless you are familiar with those acts (And children shouldn't be), then it's not a problem

his missus sounds like she is of a weak disposition

Lost Boy

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Re: Funny Stuff
« Reply #858 on: September 04, 2009, 01:41:53 AM »
There's loads of them, but this one's probably my favourite...
www.youtube.com/watch?v=KPqOQnpragc&feature=channel

And this...ah, the innocence of youth... :rofl3:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=bOXnxmlEkY0&feature=channel
« Last Edit: September 04, 2009, 01:51:21 AM by Lost Boy »

Offline Balgin Stondraeg

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Re: Funny Stuff
« Reply #859 on: September 07, 2009, 02:48:07 PM »
And it's Nigerian!

Who said history doesn't repeat itself?  :rofl3:

Okay, that probably needs some explaining. Whilst recently looking for a book (The Lurking Horror and other stories by H.P Lovecraft because I couldn't remember the title and wanted to check as someone was mentioning a similar book and there was some confusion) I rediscovered The Book of Heroic Failure.

Opening it on a random page I came across this entry:

Quote
THE LEAST SUCCESSFUL FRAUD

A Nigerian labourer explored new areas of fraudulent endeavour in March 1967. While working on a building site in Lagos, he altered his pay cheque from 9-4s-0d to 697,000,090-4s. The fraud was entirely successful right up to the moment when he tried to cash it.

Now, you know those emails we all keep on getting. It's not as if anyone in Nigeria would try anything like that today is it?
Balgin Stondraeg, proud member of Clan Stondraeg, son of Guthram, husband of Urwena, brother to Hengrek, Murnak and Dradan. Father of Cigfa. Miserable old fool to disrespectful friends.

Offline Big Boris

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Re: Funny Stuff
« Reply #860 on: September 09, 2009, 09:19:22 AM »

Offline weareblind

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Re: Funny Stuff
« Reply #861 on: September 09, 2009, 11:04:03 AM »
We are blind to the world within us

greenstuff_gav

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Re: Funny Stuff
« Reply #862 on: September 09, 2009, 04:50:35 PM »
http://img.ly/3mI
we all know that's not *real* scrumpy.. it's got a label  :lmao:
gimme proper Farmer Sui-cider any day!

and to stay On Topic, this got my kicked out of the office last night:

Two man are walking across a field when a beautiful, naked woman ran past being chased by two men in white coats.
as they stood in shock a third man in white, carrying two buckets of sand was trailing behind.
"Hey! what's going on?" said one of the ramblers.
"Oh, she's a Nymphomaniac, just escaped from the asylum over there. We're supposed to catch her and take her back."
"oh. right. so what's with the buckets of sand?"
"i caught her yesterday!"

 :oops:

Offline beefcake

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Re: Funny Stuff
« Reply #863 on: September 09, 2009, 09:01:15 PM »
 :lmao:

MightyAl

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Re: Funny Stuff
« Reply #864 on: September 14, 2009, 03:18:56 PM »

Offline Vermis

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Re: Funny Stuff
« Reply #865 on: September 19, 2009, 11:48:45 PM »
I'm not a huge fan of all the streaky, blurry digital art you see these days, so I kinda enjoyed this:

http://aviary.com/blog/posts/aviary-launches-crane-paper-editor

I have to admit I think they'll have problems with the 'undo' function, though... :P
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Offline Ajsalium

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Re: Funny Stuff
« Reply #866 on: September 20, 2009, 12:20:14 AM »
Blog updated Jan 21st
ROLE 'N' ROLL

Tell the truth, do what's right, and face the consequences. -Me.

Offline sagunt

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Re: Funny Stuff
« Reply #867 on: September 26, 2009, 01:39:48 AM »
Swayze RIP was a centaur in Rainbowland?


This is cockcow?  Or an uddercock?

I stumbled upon a book of stunning tattoos today.  Most were actually inappropriate for sharing.  I know the critter comp is done, but the uddercock would be a good addition to the line. 

Offline Balgin Stondraeg

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Re: Funny Stuff
« Reply #868 on: September 29, 2009, 06:49:37 PM »
Woohoo! Motor Psycho Nightmare's finaly up on youtube. I used to be able to sing that almost word perfect (although I never could work out what Ole Oxford dale Cat's Grow was and why it should be so offenssive in afarmer's beard. And I didn't know what the dol chey vita was either).

I wouldn't mind having a go at it on a kareoke night but I doubt they'd have it.
« Last Edit: September 29, 2009, 06:50:09 PM by Balgin Stondraeg »
Balgin Stondraeg, proud member of Clan Stondraeg, son of Guthram, husband of Urwena, brother to Hengrek, Murnak and Dradan. Father of Cigfa. Miserable old fool to disrespectful friends.

MightyAl

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Re: Funny Stuff
« Reply #869 on: September 30, 2009, 04:58:06 PM »
Woohoo! Motor Psycho Nightmare's finaly up on youtube. I used to be able to sing that almost word perfect (although I never could work out what Ole Oxford dale Cat's Grow was and why it should be so offenssive in afarmer's beard. And I didn't know what the dol chey vita was either).

I wouldn't mind having a go at it on a kareoke night but I doubt they'd have it.
If I could so much as carry a tune in a bucket, I'd maybe give this a go at karaoke. But since I can't sing, I won't.

greenstuff_gav

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Re: Funny Stuff
« Reply #870 on: October 06, 2009, 10:13:33 PM »
A Good Fight makes me laugh everytime  :lmao:

Offline Big Boris

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Re: Funny Stuff
« Reply #871 on: October 13, 2009, 08:33:44 AM »
These shopfitters really do offer a wide range of services! :lmao:
http://img63.yfrog.com/i/c9c.jpg/

Offline ballistic_bro

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Re: Funny Stuff
« Reply #872 on: October 13, 2009, 03:20:03 PM »
 :lmao: :lmao: Is that Bleaching or Breaching? either way. OUCH! :jawdrop:
There's one thing you never put in a trap, if you're smart.
If you have any plans about seeing tomorrow,
there's one thing you never ever put in a trap,
me...........

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Wildheart

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Re: Funny Stuff
« Reply #873 on: October 13, 2009, 03:51:09 PM »
Breaching - its a little known reverse-plumbing procedure! :paranoid2:

Offline Mr Teufel

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Re: Funny Stuff
« Reply #874 on: October 14, 2009, 08:18:17 AM »