www.hasslefreeminiatures.co.uk (Go To: Hasslefree Homepage) > Libertee's Miscellaneous Musings II

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fog99uk:
Fortunately, or rather unfortunately, an emotional event when I was younger has left me pretty cold hearted. I care about very few people, and those few I care for much more than I do myself. I don't care whether I am around tomorrow, I know my life is of no consequence to the universe.

Gothy Beans:

Thank you for your post, Sally. There's not much I can add, other than I agree.
I think perhaps 5 years ago on the other side of several events... I wouldn't have even understood your post (I'd have thought I did). But here and now... standing (mostly) on my own two feet, having made decisions and chosen my path I realise I never expected to end up here.

And you're right, realising your own mortality can put a real drive and perspective into your life. I've been given three chances now, three wake-up calls. On the last I finally paid attention. The first two, I honestly thought there was some mistake and I'd missed my time to die. How utterly selfish and stupid is that?



--- Quote from: fog99uk on May 22, 2011, 09:11:04 PM ---Fortunately, or rather unfortunately, an emotional event when I was younger has left me pretty cold hearted. I care about very few people, and those few I care for much more than I do myself. I don't care whether I am around tomorrow, I know my life is of no consequence to the universe.

--- End quote ---
Bollocks. Nobody is worthless, "of no consequence".... and the very fact you are here out of your own interest, talking to other people and pursuing something you care about proves you don't truly believe that either. Don't bash yourself.

mcfonz:
A very striking, honest and insightful article Sally.

After my parents divorcing when I was around 12, I remember the thought that neither of them were there for ever hit me pretty hard. My dad worked crazy shifts for HM Customs and Excise and so I saw him even less after my parents divorce. I realised then that it had been teamwork that had got us that far but that the strain on my mum had been hard. When it was just mum I realised that should something happen to her I had no one. Talk about a cold slap of reality.

Some things are still tough for me to talk about though. As most people have (I guess), there are fractions within my extended family which mean that some things I bottle up such as the death of my stepfather getting on for three years ago - a week or so after me and my fiancée moved into our first house. Sadly a couple of days prior we had talked about inviting him up to see it - I thought a lot of him, and unfortunately you don't realise how much until they are gone and leave that hole in your life.

Never, ever value anything materially above those close to you. As a kid I just kept myself to myself at home, my mum and sister were much closer. But now - as corny as it sounds, I am the man of the family. They rely on my judgement and advice - which takes some getting used to I can assure you! But it's a new test, I can't sit in someone else's shadow any more.

Like you say, when you are a kid you are immortal. I think in my case though as a young adult, it wasn't that I was immortal, but that I had nothing to loose. Now I have a house, fiancée, god-daughter and close family to support emotionally etc I know that there is more to it.

All of this is magnified in my mind when it comes to my wedding on 5th August. One of the people I want the most to have been there isn't. That piles more onto me in the knowledge that although my actual father will be there and two rocks in best men, I will to a large extent have that hole present, one very close person whose guidance got me this far. It's not at all easy for me to explain, and I haven't spoken to anyone about it in great detail.

So thanks, a group therapy session. I would like to give you all a hug now!  :hug:

It's all good though. As it is the first time I have really felt worth anything. Sure I enjoyed living before, I am not an emo or anything! Just that as a child and young person like you say, you live for the moment, then you go through a period of thinking what do you really live for, or at least I did in London. And then you find out what you live for and it gives you another level of self belief.

Perhaps also because all of that guidance was given to me to prepare me for just this.

I have lost the passive edge, I snarl at other drivers when they drive crap or if they give Lucy an evil glance because through their bad driving they perceive her to be the one that has made a mistake. In short I think the alpha male is coming out in me . . . . . .  :crazy:

libertee:
I just found out that after a short illness the mother of one of Megans classmates died today, on her sons 9th birthday.  Two years ago another child in the same class lost her mum.

Just reminds you that nothing in life is certain.

RIP Lisa Stuart 24.11.11

agentmolar:
Having said all of that. Denial of the inevitable demise of our own existence is the one reason we have civilization, progress, technology and generally a working economy. If it wasn't for the poor schmoes who got up and did their thankless and necessary jobs every day, we wouldn't have all the mod cons around us. I think the ethos of enjoying today is an important one, but remember that we owe it to each other and our little ones to carry on with our lives and jobs regardless. If you take the pure nihilist view of life to its extreme, then you might as well not attempt any great task in life as its just pointless.  Frankly I would prefer to go to my grave doing something I love to the best of my ability. Friends, family, every  one you know and love will leave you at the end. At the end of it all , all you have is your life, achievements and your memories. A life without interesting memories is going to be a big disappointment when you are in your wheel chair in the nursing home.


Yes I am drinking at the moment.

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